Job 6: 10 Then I would still have this consolation— my joy in unrelenting pain— that I had not denied the words of the Holy One.
I have been a lot of emotional turmoil these past months. As I have examined and taken an modest inventory, most is due to my self reliance. The pain in my heart at times, has not found words to cry out or cry.
The rage in my mind is that old familiar lie; “I am not enough”. Condemnation, shame, guilt dog my every step. Most is self imposed, which adds to the weight on my heart. Hope seems harder to find. I hope to find some words of comfort in Psalm 51: 1-19.
I really want my Father to hold me in His arms and feel His care and warmth again.
I have failed again. My lament is not to be a victim or a whiner, just honest to God. When Jonah was sent to Nineveh by God, Jonah ran away. That is what I want to do, run away and not face me and my sins. From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. He said: “In my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me. From the depths of the grave I called for help, and you listened to my cry, said Jonah. It took total darkness in a “smelly belly” to get him to cry out. His “onion” was peeled again. Jonah had a “rude awakening”.
Those who read this blog, I ask for your prayers and intercession; I would be given the gift of repentance and expanding heart of forgiveness, toward others and myself. All the “seven deadly sins” are at play in my heart as my onion gets peeled.
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Photo above by Ken Lawson
